Here we are this beautiful evening, taking a walk under the stars. The temperature is just right, the neighborhood is quiet, it would probably be perfect except it is after midnight.
Yes, my little baby you should be sleeping. However, something is bothering you tonight and it is not any of the usual suspects. I have tried all my tricks and remedies and you will not settle down. It seems that the only way your sister and father are going to get any sleep it seems is for us to get out of the house.
I load you up all ready for bed into the stroller and start walking. At first I start to wonder what anyone would think if they drive by or look out their window and see me pushing a stroller at this hour. Then I realize that if they are not a parent they might not understand and might even judge me for having a child out this late but many parents would get it. I am doing what is right for us. I’ll just keep trudging along.
You have settled down. You are still awake but you are much calmer, just looking about while you hold on to your lovey.
As we stroll further along I think about how these were the streets I walked when I was in labor with you. That day I wondered how much longer before I would be able to look into your eyes for the first time. Though it was late afternoon, I also wondered what people would think if they saw me walking that day. I am sure I was a sight with your father making that trek. I never knew it could take me so long to go such a short distance.
My mind has started to settle too. I check on you and see that you have drifted off to sleep. I am alone with my thoughts. No distractions, no expectations from anyone else, just me, you, and my thoughts.
I realize how stressed I have been lately. Your spirited sister and you can be a handful some days. We have many changes on the horizon for our family. My mind and body are constantly going a million directions. I needed some quiet time. I am starting to feel more grounded.
I smile as I think maybe this walk really wasn’t for you. It was for me, a chance to relax, quiet my mind, and regroup. Maybe in some small way you were showing me what I needed while I was worried about what you needed. I have always been great at helping and caring for others, all to often I forget to take the time for some self care.
We are a team. As your mother I will always be there for you. I will try and remember that you are there for me. Just because you are small doesn’t mean you are not wise. You will teach me some of my most important lessons.
Thank you for tonight, this walk, and these lessons to remember but I ask you to be patient with me, sometimes I can be stubborn and forgetful.